In the 1994 Long Beach, California was the first to adopt school uniforms but. In 1990's the united states government developed a Manual on school uniforms. I think it not fear because parents had to vote for the student to wear school uniforms.
I disagree and agree at the same time because school uniforms important and some time student don't want to wear the uniform but when the day go by they want to wear the uniforms. I think it unfair that use student have to wear school uniform everyday.We have to wear the same color every day.
I think school uniforms are boring because . Even if student have to wear school uniforms we have to follow the rule around the school like listen to the teacher and do this do that that crazy like is President Clinton out of his mind is like he crazy but this is what he think . Use student should wear uniforms. THIS IS WHAT I THINK! I WANT TO WEAR REGULAR CLOTHES NOT UNIFORMS! THE END!
Sarina-
ReplyDeleteDid you read this out loud?
Many of your sentences are also either too short or too long, and need to either be broken up or to have commas added to them.
You did a good job explaining your personal opinions, but you need to use more information from the articles! you also need to explain how the information from the articles that you did include supports your opinion.
If you repost this essay and fix the spelling and grammatical errors, I will increase your grade. I'm using your second paragraph as an example, please look closely at the differences between your paragraph and my example:
Sarina's paragraph:
"In the 1994 Long Beach, California was the first to adopt school uniforms but. In 1990's the united states government developed a Manual on school uniforms. I think it not fear because parents had to vote for the student to wear school uniforms."
Mr. Enders's example:
"In 1994, Long Beach, California became the first public school to adopt uniforms in that state. In the 1990s, the United States government developed a manual on school uniforms. I don't think this is fair because the government made this decision without asking parents what they would like for their students. No one had a chance to vote for this policy."
Please let me know if you have any questions.
Mr. Enders
Meaning = 3
Development = 2 (use examples from the texts!)
Organization = 2 (you have 4 paragraphs, but they don't connect to each other very clearly)
Language = 2 (many of your sentences are incomplete)
Please look at pgs. 30 and 31, 40 and 41 and 52 and 53 in the WRITE! book.